My Prayer in the Fire

Hello to all,
                I’M FINISHED! I can’t believe I am done with the semester. It feels like it was just August. A lot has happened this semester. This semester has been filled with every emotion I could ever have. I have had my highs and my lows, but all together this has been a phenomenal semester. I have started my education classes at UA, I have met some great people, I have made new friends that I will keep for a lifetime, I have grown so much in my walk with Christ, and I have experienced God’s love and peace in a new way.

                In August I began my third year at the Capstone. After returning home in June from Honduras I made the decision to change my major to Elementary Education. Some of you may know I first started as an Elementary Education major then changed in fall of 2011 to Human Development and Family Studies. I quickly discovered that was a wrong decision and unfortunately I wasted a year of school because of this decision. I look back and I get frustrated at myself for making a rash decision like I did in fall 2011, but then I see how much God has shown himself to me over the past year. Through this rash and unprayerful decision Christ has shown his patients and love and forgiveness to me.

                Like I expressed I have been filled with every emotion possible to feel this semester. A lot of the emotions came from the loss of my meme back in July, being separated from my heart and the precious children who hold my heart back in Honduras, and the doubts and confusion about my future. I never thought that losing someone so close to you could be as difficult as it has been. I have the peace of Christ that my meme is fully healed and praising her Savior in heaven, but that doesn’t take away the pain of not having her here with me. She will not be able to see my graduate college, get married, having children, and encourage me daily to follow Christ and tell me how proud of me she is. We will no longer have Christmas Eve or Thanksgiving with her. We will no longer have a birthday to spend with her. I miss the moments I spent with her. She was the BEST meme anyone could ever ask for. She truly was an angel from God.

                Being separated from your heart and the people who hold your heart is so hard. Most people don’t completely understand how I feel about the people from Honduras. Mike Edwards, a missionary in Honduras, once told my group my first trip “no one will ever be able to grasp or understand what you see and experience here”. This statement is SO TRUE. When you go and experience what I experienced for six weeks you will then be able to understand the heartache I have. Not only do these children have beautiful faces, they have names and stories. Hearing the stories first hand from these children will change your life. It will change the way you look at them, the way you feel for them, and the way you look at life. Life is precious and God has saved these precious lives from a path of death and has put them on a path of life. This daily passion for wanting to go back and wrap these children in my arms grows more and more every day. I can’t wait to go back in the summer. The day I board that plane cannot come fast enough! And, yes I said THIS NEXT SUMMER! I am going back in May!!! Ahhhh! I am flooded with excitement! I am not sure on the details of my trip, but when I find them out I will be posting them on here. I am having to fully raise all my support myself this trip so if you feel lead to give to my trip for the first time or for the third time I would greatly and forever appreciate it. I have no doubt that God will provide the funds for my trip. He is God! He parted the red sea, he turned water into wine, he raised the dead to life, and he conquered the grave! He can and will provide!

                This semester I dealt with a lot of doubt, confusion, and struggling with peace at where I am in my life. As I expressed already, spending six weeks in Honduras made me want to live there and never come back to the states. Coming back home I wanted nothing more than to leave all my problems here in the states. I fully believe that satan saw how much Christ had worked in my life summer and also saw how much I wanted nothing more than to fully follow God’s will for my life. Satan took this as a major threat. If you didn’t know this already, satan hates it when we follow Christ or become close with Christ. So, he started to fill my head with thoughts and doubts about where I was in life. I spent many nights lying in bed at night crying out asking God “why am I here in Tuscaloosa?” or “what is the next step?” or “am I supposed to be getting my college degree or should I go in the mission field now?”. Satan will take very appealing and “God-centered” opportunities and try to convince you that we should be doing that thing instead of where we are right now. As you could see I was being prompted to go in so many different ways. But at the end of the day you must first seek Christ and pray. And that is what I did. I prayed for weeks upon a time for Christ to reveal his desire for my life to me. I asked many of my prayer warriors to come alongside of me and pray over me. This was a very hard time for me. But through prayer and God’s discernment I was guided to the correct path.

                This semester was very overwhelming for me. I was tempted and tested. I think overall I passed my test and have grown closer to God. He has placed very special people in my life to show me and help guide me along this journey we call life. We have a mighty challenge placed in front of us. Are you going to take that challenge and complete it at the best of your ability or are you going to let satan and his temptations get the best of you? Are you praying and seeking Christ earnestly? Are you looking to this world, a family member, a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend for acceptance and happiness while you coast through life? I have some news for you my friend; no one will ever be able to give you true joy and peace other than Christ. Happiness is something that is temporary and will fill you with content for a certain time and will eventually wear off. True joy happens no matter your circumstances. You can be in one of the most trying times of your life, like what I experienced this summer, and you will still have Christ joy in your life.

                Sometimes when I am just thinking to myself and asking myself random questions I ask myself, “What would people say about me if I was to die today”. If I died today I would want people to know only one thing about me. I would hope people would remember me as a Christ follower who pursued God’s will for her life no matter the cost. We can talk about how much we want to pursue Christ no matter the cost, but all this talk will get us nowhere until we take action. We must do something now! So I guess I want to leave you with this note; don’t just be all talk, but DO SOMETHING! If you really mean you want to pursue Christ no matter the cost then I dare you to pray it and mean it. I promise God will give you the opportunity to pursue Him no matter the cost. This walk isn’t easy. The Gospel isn’t safe. This is serious business. Let’s get serious people!

                I hope you all have enjoyed reading my blog this year. I look forward to this new year. I think we can all agree 2012 has been a tough year for a lot of us, but it has also been a year of great growth with Christ. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Bring it on 2013 let’s see what God does!! Amen!

This is a song that I can’t help but sing through all these difficult times. It is called Desert Song by Hillsong United.

“This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow”