My Prayer in the Fire

Hello to all,
                I’M FINISHED! I can’t believe I am done with the semester. It feels like it was just August. A lot has happened this semester. This semester has been filled with every emotion I could ever have. I have had my highs and my lows, but all together this has been a phenomenal semester. I have started my education classes at UA, I have met some great people, I have made new friends that I will keep for a lifetime, I have grown so much in my walk with Christ, and I have experienced God’s love and peace in a new way.

                In August I began my third year at the Capstone. After returning home in June from Honduras I made the decision to change my major to Elementary Education. Some of you may know I first started as an Elementary Education major then changed in fall of 2011 to Human Development and Family Studies. I quickly discovered that was a wrong decision and unfortunately I wasted a year of school because of this decision. I look back and I get frustrated at myself for making a rash decision like I did in fall 2011, but then I see how much God has shown himself to me over the past year. Through this rash and unprayerful decision Christ has shown his patients and love and forgiveness to me.

                Like I expressed I have been filled with every emotion possible to feel this semester. A lot of the emotions came from the loss of my meme back in July, being separated from my heart and the precious children who hold my heart back in Honduras, and the doubts and confusion about my future. I never thought that losing someone so close to you could be as difficult as it has been. I have the peace of Christ that my meme is fully healed and praising her Savior in heaven, but that doesn’t take away the pain of not having her here with me. She will not be able to see my graduate college, get married, having children, and encourage me daily to follow Christ and tell me how proud of me she is. We will no longer have Christmas Eve or Thanksgiving with her. We will no longer have a birthday to spend with her. I miss the moments I spent with her. She was the BEST meme anyone could ever ask for. She truly was an angel from God.

                Being separated from your heart and the people who hold your heart is so hard. Most people don’t completely understand how I feel about the people from Honduras. Mike Edwards, a missionary in Honduras, once told my group my first trip “no one will ever be able to grasp or understand what you see and experience here”. This statement is SO TRUE. When you go and experience what I experienced for six weeks you will then be able to understand the heartache I have. Not only do these children have beautiful faces, they have names and stories. Hearing the stories first hand from these children will change your life. It will change the way you look at them, the way you feel for them, and the way you look at life. Life is precious and God has saved these precious lives from a path of death and has put them on a path of life. This daily passion for wanting to go back and wrap these children in my arms grows more and more every day. I can’t wait to go back in the summer. The day I board that plane cannot come fast enough! And, yes I said THIS NEXT SUMMER! I am going back in May!!! Ahhhh! I am flooded with excitement! I am not sure on the details of my trip, but when I find them out I will be posting them on here. I am having to fully raise all my support myself this trip so if you feel lead to give to my trip for the first time or for the third time I would greatly and forever appreciate it. I have no doubt that God will provide the funds for my trip. He is God! He parted the red sea, he turned water into wine, he raised the dead to life, and he conquered the grave! He can and will provide!

                This semester I dealt with a lot of doubt, confusion, and struggling with peace at where I am in my life. As I expressed already, spending six weeks in Honduras made me want to live there and never come back to the states. Coming back home I wanted nothing more than to leave all my problems here in the states. I fully believe that satan saw how much Christ had worked in my life summer and also saw how much I wanted nothing more than to fully follow God’s will for my life. Satan took this as a major threat. If you didn’t know this already, satan hates it when we follow Christ or become close with Christ. So, he started to fill my head with thoughts and doubts about where I was in life. I spent many nights lying in bed at night crying out asking God “why am I here in Tuscaloosa?” or “what is the next step?” or “am I supposed to be getting my college degree or should I go in the mission field now?”. Satan will take very appealing and “God-centered” opportunities and try to convince you that we should be doing that thing instead of where we are right now. As you could see I was being prompted to go in so many different ways. But at the end of the day you must first seek Christ and pray. And that is what I did. I prayed for weeks upon a time for Christ to reveal his desire for my life to me. I asked many of my prayer warriors to come alongside of me and pray over me. This was a very hard time for me. But through prayer and God’s discernment I was guided to the correct path.

                This semester was very overwhelming for me. I was tempted and tested. I think overall I passed my test and have grown closer to God. He has placed very special people in my life to show me and help guide me along this journey we call life. We have a mighty challenge placed in front of us. Are you going to take that challenge and complete it at the best of your ability or are you going to let satan and his temptations get the best of you? Are you praying and seeking Christ earnestly? Are you looking to this world, a family member, a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend for acceptance and happiness while you coast through life? I have some news for you my friend; no one will ever be able to give you true joy and peace other than Christ. Happiness is something that is temporary and will fill you with content for a certain time and will eventually wear off. True joy happens no matter your circumstances. You can be in one of the most trying times of your life, like what I experienced this summer, and you will still have Christ joy in your life.

                Sometimes when I am just thinking to myself and asking myself random questions I ask myself, “What would people say about me if I was to die today”. If I died today I would want people to know only one thing about me. I would hope people would remember me as a Christ follower who pursued God’s will for her life no matter the cost. We can talk about how much we want to pursue Christ no matter the cost, but all this talk will get us nowhere until we take action. We must do something now! So I guess I want to leave you with this note; don’t just be all talk, but DO SOMETHING! If you really mean you want to pursue Christ no matter the cost then I dare you to pray it and mean it. I promise God will give you the opportunity to pursue Him no matter the cost. This walk isn’t easy. The Gospel isn’t safe. This is serious business. Let’s get serious people!

                I hope you all have enjoyed reading my blog this year. I look forward to this new year. I think we can all agree 2012 has been a tough year for a lot of us, but it has also been a year of great growth with Christ. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Bring it on 2013 let’s see what God does!! Amen!

This is a song that I can’t help but sing through all these difficult times. It is called Desert Song by Hillsong United.

“This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow”

Just Take the Nex Step

HELLO!
 How have things been going for you all? I hope this finds you well and blessed. It has been two months since I last wrote. A lot has been going on. I have been staying busy with school, work, and church. Most of you all know this, but for this who don't I am very involved in my college ministry. I am an intern and on the leadership team. I lead a bible study during the weeks. So when I say I am busy with church it is a GOOD thing. haha I very much enjoy staying busy with church. haha School has been hard to be committed to. My heart is not in it. It is hard to focus, but I am pushing through. God is giving me the strength I need to stay in it and get focused.

Yesterday was a bitter-sweet day. Yesterday marked four months ago I left my heart with a few children in a country in Central America. I miss them more and more every day. I know some people probably get tired of me saying I miss those kids and I miss Honduras, but when you experience what I experienced then you would understand. The smiles on those kids will make any problem you have diminish. The hugs and kisses the children give you will show you what true love is. It's just that simple. You fall IN LOVE.

I have given you an update on my "physical" life, but what I want to share with you all is a "spiritual" update in my life. Last time I talked about God's timing and how it is perfect. I fully believe in that, especially after the last few weeks. I believe God has been speaking to me about "the next step". My prayer for a while now has been for God to show me the next step to take. He has also been teaching me to trust in Him and in Him alone. You make think, well Hayley, that is kind of a given because God tells us all over the bible to Trust in Him. Yes, God does tell us every where in the bible that we should Trust in God. It is a lot easier said than done. When you put all your Trust in God you must not worry about the past, present, or future. You must fully rely on God. This includes in every situation of our life we are to let go of control and let God take control. This is not easy for me. I am human and my human nature is to plan every thing out for my future and to take control of every situation in my life. This is not trusting God. This is telling God that I can do better than Him and that I know better than Him. This is all false. I am nothing without God. I fail at everything in life if I don't have God in the center. God must be the center of my life.

 This is a huge lesson God has been teaching me since my freshman year of college, but especially these past few months. I know God wants me to take the next step, but I don't know what that next step might be. I have been praying the Lord would show me. I ask that you would pray for me. Please pray God would open up the door for the next step. Pray it would be a clear answer from the Lord. I struggle with knowing what the Lord clearly wants or has for me sometimes. Pray that I would not struggle or have any doubts.

Thank you to all of you. Thank you for being my prayer warriors. Thank you for being the spiritual leaders and guidance in my life. I pray the Lord blesses you for all you all have done for me. I love you all so much. I want to give a special thank you for my mom and dad. and Heath. Thank you Mom for never giving up on my. Thank you for praying for my salvation for 17 and a half years. Not once did you give up on me. I pray I can be the type of mother and spiritual leader to my children the way you were for Heath and I. Thank you for encouraging me to follow after what God wants for my life. Thank you for allowing me to go to Honduras. Thank you for releasing me into the Lord's care so that I can do what he has for me to do; share the Gospel internationally. Dad, thank you for always being the head of our family. Thank you for showing me how to be a Godly young woman. Thank you for showing me how to laugh and be goofy. Heath, thank you for being the spiritual encourager. Thank you for pushing me to get involved in FBC Tuscaloosa. Thank you for setting a Godly example to follow in my college years. Thank you for asking the hard questions. Thank you for challenging me to grow deeper in my faith. Thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone. Thank you for all the brotherly love.

I pray that you all would pray about sponsoring a child at The Good Shepherd Children's Home. Please pray and seriously consider changing one of these children's lives. You can be "that" person who shows them to Christ. You could be the impact that they need. Show them the love of Christ that Christ first showed you. Go to http://www.gsch.bmdmi.org/ and click the link sponsorships. You can look at all the children and choose a child you feel God is leading you to sponsor.

Martha

Some of the boys at school.

Lester playing around at Casa Verde

Fatima

Jessica y Armando

Benjamin

Every Sunday and Saturday afternoon the boys play soccer

This is a precious smile

Ruth studying one afternoon

Abner y Lester

Jimena

Some of Casita 9

This is another smile that will make you forget all worries in the world.

Alexis

Lupe, Karolin, y Sindy

Lupe

Kimberly

Probably one of my favorite pictures.
Fatima loves swinging

I loved hanging out with these boys in the afternoons

A typical picture of some of the teens talking and enjoying one another.

God's Timing is Everything

Wow, it has been a couple of months since I last wrote. I am sorry for the delay. A lot has happened since I have been back in the states. I have had a lot on my mind and my heart. I have been heavy burdened for several things. God has been showing me a lot since I have been back. I have experienced some of my lowest of lows and I have experienced some highs.

Today marks two months since I left Honduras. June 20, 2012 was a very sad and hard day for me. I knew leaving and saying goodbye would be hard, but I never imagined it to be as hard as it was and as it has been. I have had days where I would lay in bed and cry. I have had days where I would laugh and smile. It has been hard adjusting back to life here. I gained friendships and relationships that will last a lifetime. My Honduran friends will always be in my heart. I wish so badly to be with them right now, but I know that God has me where I am for a purpose. God will allow me to see them again one day and I can not wait for that day.

Coming home to the states I was planing on starting classes about a week after I returned home, but God had something different planned. As I have expressed, I had a very hard time adjusting back to life here. I went back to Tuscaloosa for classes and had no desire or any thought of doing classes. My mind was not in the right place or time for me to be able to take two classes. I was unable to focus. So I withdrew from the classes and started working at the daycare full time. Then a shocking life change happened. My sweet Meme went to be with the Lord on July 8, 2012. It was shocking, because we didn't expect this to happen. She had been doing pretty well and all of a sudden God called her home to be with Him. My family and I went through a rough time. I know she is now praising her Savior and she is the happiest and peaceful she has been and ever will be. But there is still that pain of not having her HERE with us. has been very hard on my mother. Please continue to lift our family up in your prayers.

Coming home has been difficult, but God knew all this was going to be part of my trial of returning home. He knew I was going to face these things. He has been preparing me for this for a long time. I honestly never thought I would go through something so hard when I first returned, but God was showing me things that I look back now and say..."WOW!" God is truly amazing how he works.

One thing God has been showing and teaching me for a long time, but has really been pushing it on me this summer was "There is a timing for Everything". I know and have always heard "God's timing is perfect timing", but God has really been pushing this on me and showing this to me a lot since June 20. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 is perfect scripture for this. I read over this passage of scripture yesterday in Sunday school. God spoke to me in a powerful way. I have not been able to stop thinking about this passage.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, 
a time for war and a time for peace."

God has the perfect timing. God will show you the timing for each season of your life. If you are in a trial or tough season of life, God is using that to strengthen you. At the end of that season of your life you will look back and be in awe of what the wonderful Savior and Father has done in your life. Keep running the race. Don't give up. God is faithful. God is getting all the glory and praise for my tough days I have had in the past two months. 

I still have tough days. Not a moment in my day goes by that I don't think about those precious children and Tia's and missionaries from GSCH. I am constantly praying for them and lifting them up in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for revival in the home. I pray for salivations and for people to be set free from the bondage of sin. God is working. He will not be stopped. I will not stop praying for the salvation of every person that steps foot on the property of GSCH.  That place has special place in my heart. I love you all so much. Thank you all for the amazing memories I made in your country. Thank you for blessing me. You are in my prayers.


Thank you to all who have been read my blogs and who have prayed for me over the past 3 to 4 months. God has done amazing things in my life and in the lives you all prayed for at GSCH. Please continue to pray for the home and the children. Please pray about sponsoring a child from the home. These children need your prayers and love. What better way than to support a child??!! Just go to www.gshc.bmdmi.org and check it out. Thanks for all the prayers. I will hope to update you in a month or so about what God is doing in Tuscaloosa. I love you all.

This is Not Goodbye, It's See you Later

I am wrapping my journey up here in Honduras. I can’t believe I am leaving on Thursday. I have mixed emotions. I feel like I have been here a long time, but I also feel like I just got here the other day. I was talking to one of my sponsored children the other day and I was telling him how long I waited for this trip and how excited I was and now it almost time for me to leave. WOW! I just can’t seem to find the right words to say.

I guess for this last blog I could share my high lights and my low lights of my trip. By the way, thank you Shelly Simpson for introducing highs and lows to me. haha I use this phrase all the time now. First I will tell you all that has gone on in the last week. I met “me” in 20 years. This amazing lady came to visit the home this past week. When I sat “I met me”, I mean this is going to be me in about 20 years. We got very close and connected so well. She said I was her daughter. Haha We talked about how when believers meet for the first time and they have never met before you can just instantly become life-long friends. This is so true. This has happened to me my whole life. The only flaw that she had was that she was the biggest LSU fan I have met. Haha We had fun this week fighting back and forth with that little issue. Of course I pulled all the national championship jokes in there. Haha ROLL TIDE! She reminded me so much of my Aunt Keke and Aunt Karen in one person. To all my family reading this, you will understand why this lady is me in 20 years. I don’t think I have laughed that much since I have been here. She was defiantly one of the college kids this week.

A sad event that happened was the original 3 musketeers split this week. Tess left to continue her journey to Nicaragua and Waleska went back to Tegucigalpa. The original 3 were the best. Tess and I arrived in Honduras the same day just about an hour difference. We then stopped by the BMDMI office and picked up my translator. I was excited to meet her, but I was also wondering what she would be like. I don’t think BMDMI could have put a better match together than us two. We were instantly best friends. I enjoyed all of our shenanigans together. We had the best laughs late at night along with dance parties in the dark. Watching romantic movies and wishing we could find Mr. Right, playing cards till late, and just enjoying each other’s company. I just want to give a big hug and kiss to my loves Tess Turner and Waleska! We will always be the original 3.

And then there were two. Bailey and I are the only ones left. We will leave on Thursday about an hour apart. Her flight is headed to Houston around 11:30 while I head towards Atlanta around 12:45. Bailey is such a sweet and Godly young lady. She defiantly has a heart for these kids. She is constantly encouraging the kids to look to Christ for everything. She has it. She understands the urgency of the Gospel. By watching the way she has lived these past 4 weeks she has encouraged me so much. I am so blessed to have met her. She another SEC girl. She will defiantly be missed in my eyes.

I can’t even begin to try and find the words to describe my time here in Honduras. No one will understand or be able to comprehend my time here because I was the only one who lived it. But I guess I can try to describe my experience. Let’s start with I know for a fact the Lord wants me in missions. One day I was thinking about what I want to do every day for the rest of my life. And the only thing that makes me even happy or close to satisfied is missions. I want to wake up every morning in the mission field. Another highlight of mine was getting too deeply know some of the teenage girls. They are so sweet and all they want is to talk with me. They love me and I love them. I have enjoyed many laughs and tears with them. We have had bible study time, dance parties, movie nights, watching soccer games, and lots of fellowship together. I have built amazing life-long friendships with so many people here in Honduras. I thank God for forming the relationships and for bringing me here. What an amazing God we serve.

Beside spending time with the children and forming relationships, I have been helping out with different projects. I have resized all the children for the website. I have interviewed every child on property. I asked them about 5 questions to update their biographies on the website. This will help the sponsors know more about their child. Tess and I did several art projects with the children for teams that have come. We also made welcoming signs for the new pastor, Abnor and Allison. I helped Bailey do inventory of all the casita kitchens. Bailey, Angie, Waleska, and I got the pleasure of painting Trisha’s new office in casita 4. I have stayed busy with different big and small projects.

I thank the Lord each morning for allowing me another day here. My God is so amazing. I want to also thank you to all my prayer warriors and financial supporters for everything. Without your support I could not have come to Honduras and serve for six weeks. This has been the best six weeks. Thank you Abba Father.

I will give you all another update the night before I leave or when I am back in the beautiful U.S.A.! I love you all. Keep serving the Lord. 

First Time for Everything

Hola!

How have you all been doing? I hope you all are serving the Lord every day with all you have to give. I want to give a special hello to my family. I miss you all so much. I hope everyone is in good health and praising God for all circumstances in your life. The Lord has really taught me to be grateful for the family I have. A lot of these kids here do not have family that they know of. It breaks my heart. This past week I have been able to hear a little bit of two of the teenage girls backgrounds. It has truly blessed me.

Alright, so I have lost count of what week it is. I guess that is what being in another country for a long period of time will do to you. Is there anything that has happened back in the states that I need to know? Of course I got the news that once again Alabama got another national championship. Roll Tide! I am pretty sure that is two national championships since I have been in Honduras. I also believe that is 4 national championships this year! I am so proud to be a student at The University of Alabama. Sorry to all you Auburn fans in the family. Roll Tide!
A lot has happened since I last wrote a blog entry. I have experienced several first times. This past week we had FBC Tuscaloosa student ministry here. It was so good seeing familiar faces and getting to know some new faces in our church. The kids loved having them here. They miss you all a lot! The team did bible studies with the youth. They did art camps, soccer camps, and basketball camps in the mornings with all the kids. They also did some evangelism in the villages around the home. On their last day in Honduras they did several bible clubs and evangelism in a village about an hour or more away from the home. The Lord did marvelous things through the FBC Tuscaloosa team. I am so blessed to know that my church has a heart for missions local and internationally.

While FBC was here we went to a place called the “swimming hole”. It is a river near the home where the youth go and swim sometimes. I say it is near the home, but it was like running a 5k or harder. Haha I will admit I was part of the 6 or 8 that rode in the car with Julie McKenzie on the way there. But we had to park the car and walk UP a mountain then back down the mountain. When walking through all this we had to walk through large fields and the natural woods of Honduras. Hahaha I have never done anything that hard in my life. It was quite the adventure. We finally got to the swimming hole and had a blast. The water was too low on part of the river so we could not completely swim, but we did get to walk around in the water and some of the kids rode down the small rapids in part of the river. It was something I will not forget in my trip. It was one of my favorite moments here.

Another first for me was The Valley of the Angels. It is a little tourist place in Honduras.

It is a block of full of shops. It was fun for Tess, Bailey, and Waleksa to get out and see more of Honduras. We tagged along with a team that had been out in the field with BMDMI.

But I think one of my favorites of first has to be when we took about 60 kids from the home to the movies. Trisha and Eloisa got the event together. It was a reward for all the children who has passed all their classes this semester. We went to Tegucigalpa to see Madagascar 3. The whole movie was in Spanish. I did not know what they were saying, but I got the plot and story line of the movie. It was awesome to see the kids react because most of the kids have never been to the movies before. They were all so excited and loved every minute of it. They all behaved and did very well.

A lot has been going through my head since I last wrote. I have a lot on my heart. My desire is to serve the Lord with all I have. I want to know his will for my life. I want to know the next step in my life. A lot of this is requiring trust in the Lord and patience. Most of you all know I am not a patient person. This is defiantly a struggle for me right now. I know that the Lord has great plans for me. He tells us over and over again in his word. The other day I was lying down in my bed and was thinking. I was thinking “what do I want to do every day for the rest of my life?”. I want to be happy and serving the Lord. I believe with my whole heart that I am meant to do missions with my life. It is truly the only thing I want to do. I do not know what that means or where, but I am fully convinced the Lord wants me in the mission field. 

As most of you know I will be staying an extra week. Yay! I am so excited. I would not be able to leave this Thursday. I think about how I was scheduled to leave then and think wow, I couldn’t leave. I will still not be ready to leave on June 21 when I leave, but one more week is going to be good for me. I am already trying to prepare myself and my heart. It will not be easy. In fact, it will be the hardest goodbye I have ever had to say. I know I have said that before, but these kids have touched my heart in ways and places that no one has ever or will ever be able to touch and bless me. These are special kids and I wish that you all could meet them. I want to urge you all to think and pray about sponsoring one of these kids. You can go to gsch.bmdmi.org and view all the children. If you are currently looking for a way to give to an organization then look into sponsoring a child here at The Good Shepherd Children’s Home. Their biographies are going to be updated this next week by yours truly. That was one of my projects and I am about to finish it up.

Well, I hope you all have enjoyed another update. I miss you and love you all so much. Please continue to keep the kids, the new pastor and his wife, Trisha and Kelly Lawrence, and Julie and Kevin McKenzie all in your prayers. The Lord is doing big things through these people. Have a blessed day!